Safeguarding the future
A parents’ most important job is to create a safe and secure environment for the child to grow up in. An environment where the child can learn, feel, and experience the many emotions that come with the human experience: joy, pain, humor, anger, etc.
Unfortunately, many parents spend more time researching the next car they will buy than they do researching the adults they allow into their child’s life.
It is difficult to watch the news without hearing of some sex crime being perpetrated against a child. Sometimes the subject is a stranger or, shockingly, a family member but oftentimes it is someone the family allowed into the child’s life - someone they trusted. Individuals like Pastors, Teachers, Coaches, and Troop Leaders have been accused of sexual misconduct with a child.
Let’s not assume that those types of atrocities happen elsewhere. Just recently in Pawley’s Island, we saw the arrest of a Church Pastor, his spouse, and a parishioner – who was a convicted sex offender. According to published reports, the offender was allowed to be in a building that had children - which violated the conditions of his release. Parents have filed a $25 million-dollar lawsuit against the Church.
Yes, most Pastor, Teachers, Coaches, and Troop Leaders, are exceptional people with a servant’s heart and they make a positive impact on the lives of the children they come in contact with. But some individual, who have evil intent, use these roles to access what they desire.
Some quick recommendations for a parent or grandparent in this critical area.
• Honor Intuition: yours and the child’s. Remember, intuition is knowing something without knowing why. If something feels off about the adult in the child’s life – listen to it. Additionally, listen to the child and give them your full attention if they have a concern. It most often starts with the feeling of curiosity or suspicion. Something like: “Hey Mom, the coach wants to have a pizza party at his apartment, and he did not tell the parents - this seems off to me.”
It is unfavorable to hear parents say things like: “Don’t be judgmental or How dare you think that.” This response stifles a child’s intuition and has a way of turning off their internal safety radar. In the book Protecting the Gift, Gavin de Becker advises parents to prioritize intuition over politeness.
• Be Inquisitive: get involved and ask questions to the organization about their vetting of a Coach/Teacher/Troop Leader, etc. What type of background investigation is conducted? Is it local or national? How often is the investigation done? What are some crimes that automatically disqualify an applicant? Are all part-time coaches, aides, or other helpers subject to the same scrutiny, if no – why not? Check the sex offender registry database (www. https://scor.sled.sc.gov/ConditionsOfUse.Aspx) so you know who lives near your home, neighborhood, school, or playground.
• Create Boundaries: speak to the child about boundaries and certain areas that are off-limits. Things like texting an adult, social media messaging with adults, meeting with an adult alone behind closed doors, or anywhere alone off campus. Empower the child to look out for his/her friends who might be in an inappropriate relationship with an adult and empower them to speak up.
Don’t assume anything when it comes to this critical area of a child’s life.
James Hamilton is a nationally recognized security expert with more than 34 years of protection experience. He is a former FBI Special Agent and created the close protection training for the FBI. He is the founder of the Hamilton Security Group and can be contacted at: www.hamiltonsecuritygroup.com.
